If you were in a room full of people who had been cheated on in the past, you’ll likely hear stories of how their deceitful partner wasn’t very subtle about their fondness for someone else.

But you’d probably be surprised to hear how many of those people would have deemed their relationship as ‘safe’, only to discover later of their seedy actions online, at bars or even at work… yes, there are people who take the term ‘work wife’ too literally.

Fortunately for you, we’ve got the antidote needed for your spousal issues through the form of Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist working for a clinic in London, England, writing for the Telegraph

Without further ado, let’s dive right into what a therapist can spot that you’ll probably overlook.

Once a cheater, always a cheater

“Generally, if a person has cheated once there’s a psychological reason behind it, meaning they will tend to do it again,” writes Touroni.

The UK-based therapist went on to suggest that being in a ‘committed relationship’ might ‘freak them out’ and provoke anxiety for them.

One partner is needy while the other is not

This sounds like every relationship, there’s always one person whose more co-dependent than the other.

Initially, you’d imagine it was the more ‘independent’ partner sneaking around, but Touroni explained that it is quite the opposite.

The ‘insecure’ partner is driven away and ‘might seek some external validation or affirmation from another relationship’.

She adds: “Usually this isn’t a problem in the early stages of a relationship, because the person who needs a lot of affirmation tends to get it. But once a couple is together all the time it’s natural that this fades.

“Then someone comes along who makes them feel amazing again, while their partner knows all their flaws – so there’s the danger of an affair.”

Hesitant to commit

“When one person in a couple I am seeing is cheating, but hasn’t admitted to it, I can often tell. Usually there’s something about the stories that doesn’t add up,” the expert shared with the publication’s readership.

“If the one party to the relationship is still very invested and committed to it continuing, but you see the other party acting in a way that doesn’t reflect that commitment, or their behaviour doesn’t really make sense, then there is something missing.

“As the relationship therapist, you feel that something isn’t resonating about why these two people are really struggling. Usually, you find the answers in the person’s background – you begin to dig into their history and discover clues.”

Concluding: “Perhaps they are more likely to be unfaithful because they have low self esteem? Or because their partner is very dynamic and they’re feeling somewhat neglected?”

If your partner is hesitant to commit to your relationship they could be seeing someone behind your back (Getty Stock Image)

Childhood traumas

What Touroni is getting at here isn’t exactly every childhood trauma your spouse may have experienced, but sometimes people tend to cheat if their mom or dad weren’t around much when they were younger.

She wrote: “Sometimes one person in the couple hasn’t made a very good choice to begin with. There’s a category of people – both men and women, but most commonly women – who are very drawn to unavailable partners.

“Usually the underlying reason is an early childhood experience, perhaps an unavailable parent. They are repeating something in the hope for a better experience, but in reality they’re more likely to suffer.”

Distance created by big life event

“Usually there’s an event that triggers an affair,” Touroni states.

She explained how children is the ‘number one life change that creates distance’, although the loss of a loved one or something can also spiral a relationship that has an ‘underlying vulnerability that is then combined with this sort of trigger.

Low sex drive

“The better the sexual relationship, the more likely it is that the relationship overall is in a good state,” Touroni explains.

“If couples say they have sex once every three months, or have never had a lot of sex, or it’s really died down, that is probably a sign for me that their relationship is going in the wrong direction.”

She then goes on to explain how you can question how faithful a partner really is, for example ‘are there long periods when one partner doesn’t know what the other is doing?’, she adds.

Elena Touroni explained that a partner having a low sex drive can be a tell-tale sign of an affair (Getty Stock Image)

A narcissist

Okay, this might be an obvious one because if you’re dating an narcissist then life is all about them, and they will frequently think that ‘rules don’t apply to me’ especially if they are serial cheaters, Touroni shares.

She writes: “They might be more impulsive, prioritising pleasure and having fun as opposed to being a committed partner. They might also be a little arrogant in that they think they’re never going to be found out, and that the affair is harmless because they’re not really devoting themselves to another person.”

Is the damage of an affair irreparable?Can a relationship survive an affair?

I’ll let Touroni sum this up in her own words: “Discovering that a partner has had an affair is a hugely painful thing for someone to go through, but at the same time I do genuinely feel that if something is understood and worked through properly, and both people are willing, it can also be a completely new beginning.

“It is always so much better to act before an affair happens, such as by going to therapy to unravel the reasons behind the feelings.

“Because once you’ve gone down the path of infidelity it’s hard to turn back, particularly once something becomes public. It’s a huge betrayal, and some people just can’t get over it.”

A twin has sparked debate online as to whether ‘twin telepathy exists’ in some way after being able to ‘100 percent accurately guess’ what their twin does.

It’s a twin thing – you’ve probably heard that phrase if you’ve ever been friends with twins or just watched a lot of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody growing up.

But just because someone is an identical twin to another, does that really mean they share a sort of telepathic connection?

Are twins not just bonded in how they look and their DNA, but also in how they think? Are some twins able to read each other’s thoughts in some way?

Well, taking to Reddit thread r/Twins, a user asked for social media users’ thoughts on ‘twin telepathy’ noting their curiosity if ‘anyone else experiences this’.

They note they’re aware ‘audible mind communication between two separate human beings is impossible’ but said they do ‘feel like, in some way, twin telepathy exists’.

Drawing on their own experience with their identical twin sister, they continued: “We sort of grew up with our own ‘language’ and names for each other. Communication was a breeze for as long as I can remember.”

Now, while they argue it’s ‘common sense that you will know someone very well if they’re your childhood friend, like reading their expressions or body languages’ they add they ‘swear in certain situations’ they can actually ‘guess’ what their twin sister ‘thinks’.

The post continues: “Our minds are very similar, which makes for similar actions. Our mindsets are identical in most situations, and, because of this, I can accurately ‘guess’ her thoughts, which predicts her actions.”

And it’s not just once or twice this has happened either, the twin saying ‘most of the times’ they’ve observed their sister in ‘certain situations’ that she herself has ‘either been in’ or ‘experienced something close to’ she’s ‘been able to 100 percent accurately guess what she does’.

She resolves: “It’s very rare that she does something that I haven’t thought about. Overall, this was the best I could put into words. This is very hard to describe.

“Call it what you will, but I guess this is the closest to twin telepathy you will get. If anyone else has a twin, could you let me know if you experience the same thing? Or just a childhood best friend you’re so close to? Low-key interested.”

And it’s not taken long for people to weigh in with their own experiences.

It may not be scientifically proven but twins report sharing a spookily telepathic bond (Getty Stock Images)

A user wrote: “I wouldn’t call it telepathy but my twin brother and I definitely communicate more easily with each other than with anyone else.

“We’re both fast talkers who mumble and we understand every reference the other one makes.

“Once in a while someone will see us talking and be like wtf is that even English they’re speaking? And also we sometimes aren’t allowed to play on the same team in games like charades because we’re too good at it with each other.”

Another added: “I have an identical twin sister and this is exactly me and her! I sometimes say things and she says ‘I was just about to say that,’ and vice versa.

“We also kind of communicate in a way no one else would get and understand things in the same ways. I sometimes call it this type of ‘twin telepathy’ haha. I love that other twins also feel this way.”

So, what do you think

A psychologist has offered an answer as to why partners are more likely to cheat in their relationships.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, apart from feeling insanely sick and just as insanely angry, there’s a lot of questions that run through your head. Why? Is it him? Is it me? Can they change? Or not?

Well, luckily (I think?) psychologist Clara Zelleroth, a licensed psychologist and couples therapist, has given an insight into the most ‘common justifications’ cheaters admit to their partners afterwards.

Zelleroth recently told Metro: “As unfaithfulness is a break of the mutual understanding, or ‘contract’ of the relationship, it is often seen as a form of betrayal.

“This is also why we would not call any excuses for cheating in relationship counselling ‘valid.'”

She then offered the most common ‘justifications’ cheating partners have given in couples therapy.

The first reasoning seems to be a case of ‘it just happened’ – I know it sucks and doesn’t give much closure, but happenstance seems to quite prevalent in adultery.

Therapist has given the most common reasons for adultery. Credit:Getty stock

“This decision is typically influenced by factors such as alcohol or a time of high stress, making a person more likely to cheat when the opportunity occurs,” Clara explains.

“In the aftermath, individuals often describe the scenario as ‘it just happened’.”

This is a reason given by both men and woman and is often described has them having a ‘weak moment.’

The therapist also added that if you have had a moment of weakness, the ‘worst thing you can do is hide it from your partner.

The second justification she says, is sexual dissatisfaction. As much as it might sting to think about, she says it’s another really common reason for adultery.

Individuals who have been unfaithful to their partners cite reasons including ‘My partner doesn’t want to have sex’, she explains.

“It might be that their partner is reluctant to engage in sexual activities for various reasons, as well as a potential mismatch of sexual drives which prompts the individual to seek fulfilment elsewhere.”

Getty stock

The third reason is similar, it’s ‘emotional dissatisfaction’ that can see one half of the couple become fed up with a lack of intimacy from their partner so create an emotional connection with someone else.

Clara explains: “People who have cheated often express feelings of “not being seen or prioritised” by their partner, prompting them to seek connections with others for emotional fulfilment, which may not necessarily involve sexual intimacy.”

The last reason is a lack of commitment, which both men and woman can feel during a relationship, when some cheaters are questioned their answer is ‘we were going to break up anyway’, which is also an ‘exit affair.’

Clara says: “Infidelity can also be linked to low commitment in the primary relationship. People may rationalise their actions with statements like ‘we were just about to break up’ or ‘we are not really in a committed relationship at the moment, just casually dating,’ but their partner might not feel or view the relationship in the same way.

“This often stems from a lack of mutual communication about the relationship and commitment, leading to differing perceptions between the partners. You could think of this as the ‘we were on a break’ moment between Ross and Rachel from Friends.”

A therapist has shared the warning signs that your relationship is turning toxic and the signs to look out for.

Arguments and disagreements are common for every couple, but what exactly makes a ‘toxic relationship’?

And how can we spot this behaviour emerging?

Well, according to Calm, a toxic relationship is ‘one that consistently undermines your sense of wellbeing, happiness, and, at times, safety’.

They explain that a ‘continual pattern of emotional harm, disrespect, and manipulation’ can impact both a person’s mental and emotional health.

So how can you understand if your relationship is turning toxic?

Arguments starting out of nowhere

Many toxic relationships don’t start off toxic, but one sign that things are becoming unhealthy can be found in how arguments arise.

In a toxic relationship, an argument can begin out of nowhere.

“Imagine feeling like you have to tiptoe around certain topics or situations because you’re worried about setting off the other person,” Brooke Keels, chief clinical officer of Lighthouse Recovery in Texas, tells Women’s Health.

“It’s as if you’re always on alert, trying to avoid a fight that might be brewing beneath the surface.”

Fear of setting boundaries

Due to the fear of worrying about how your partner might react, people in toxic relationships often struggle to set boundaries.

“This fear usually comes from worrying about how the other person will react, whether they’ll dismiss your feelings, or even belittle you for expressing them,” says Keels.

“Over time, this can make you feel like your voice doesn’t matter and can lead to a loss of confidence.”

Toxic relationships sometimes don’t start toxic (Getty Stock Photo)

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which a victim is fed false information, leading them to questions their memory and perception of events.

The term comes from a 1938 play, Gas Light, in which a man repeatedly dims the lights in the home he shares with his wife, later denying that the light had changed at all.

Gaslighting can be a sign of a toxic relationship (Getty Stock Photo)

Keels explains: “In a toxic relationship, this might look like the person denying they said something that upset you, telling you that you’re overreacting, or making you feel like you’re the one at fault for things going wrong.”

Gaslighting can happen gradually in a relationship, however, over time, abusive patterns can emerge.

Often, the victim increasingly relies on the partner, making it more difficult to leave the abusive relationship.